Patriarchy Is Not Dead

Patriarchy is not dead
Despite the tidings of hashtags, drag queens, and crying Jordan memes
Patriarchy is not dead

Its just sleep - choked unconscious by the prolific use of skinny jeans
But Al Bundy still lives
He's got a better job and takes showers every day
and still drives a Dodge
And still meets nightly in the basement with members of NOMA'AM

Patriarchy is not dead
Its only been stretched and mutated
by the orange and red heads of the last 2 superpowers
Who have shown us you can grab pussies
And ride horseback with a bare chest and still be voted in as President

Patriarchy is not dead
It's just been hidden in the long shadows
of freed nipples that poke out on Instagram
And while there may not be an ironing board in the Oval Office -
First Lady is still the title of an unpaid housewife

Nope Patriarchy is not dead
It's just migrated into virtual reality
Where "I've been sexually harassed?"
and "Im the idiot who voted for Trumps ass"
is represented by the same #METOO hashtag

Patriarchy is not dead
its simply reached world wide hegemony like Catholic Christianity
And why both of those things struggle with questionable masculinity

And Men in church steeples stumbling from the
1-2 punch of pedophilia and peanut butter allergies

Patriarchy is not dead
It's buried under helicopter moms
and participation medals for coming in 4th place on Field Day

Patriarchy is not dead
Even ladies wearing sleeveless lumberjack shirts and wallet chains
underscore that you really don't hate what you try to imitate

Patriarchy is not dead
Not since that one designer took the concept of red light districts
and painted it on the bottom of an overpriced stiletto

How can patriarchy die if so many aspire to have
The official shoe of the hoe-stroll in their closet?

How can it die if when so many girls who like girls
Call themselves bois -  they just spell it with an spelled with an "i"...?

Patriarchy is not dead
because feminism for a long time has been an apparition...
Killed off by hollow suffragette mottos
of "give us white women the  right to vote so that Black people don't"

Patriarchy is not dead
RuPaul still gets blue balls
Caitlyn Jenner is still a father
And Victoria's biggest secret is that it and tampons were both invented by a dude

Patriarchy lives because it became immortal
When women realized vagina could be a commodity
And if you squint real hard you'll see we treat it
The same way as sugar tobacco and opium -
...Except sometimes we just use a layaway plan to buy it...

Patriarchy is not dead because
We'll put a price-tag on anything that can strip a man of his dignity
That's why marriages come with dowries and wedding rings

No, Patriarchy is not dead
Its sitting right there staring at you from the Supreme Court bench
Not  talking abut Cavanaugh - I mean that coon Justice Thomas 

Sure, patriarchy is struggling for its breath
But I can hear them digging a fresh grave
For Roe versus Wade
And nobody these days

is as familiar with Elizabeth Cady Stanton
as with than the least popular Kardashian

No, Patriarchy is not dead
It was the first sin to occur
When Adam bit the apple
And blamed his stupidity on her
And we have been buying rings from Jared's
Trying to make up for it ever since

Patriarchy is not dead
its just hiding like the monster under your bed
And as long as a the camel can't pass thru a needle
Or a fetus thru a penis
Patriarchy will live on forever, kicking and screaming